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A Quick Q&A
Q: Is your life all limousines and movie premieres?
Patricia:
It's none of that! Somebody once said to me, Oh, you must have
such a glamorous life. But I don't go anywhere. I get up early,
go to work at 10 a.m., then come home, fix dinner and do whatever
with the kids, and start over again.
Q:
Still, there have to be difficulties doing it all.
Patricia:
I've struggled with the issue that my life is my children's life.
It's all in the everyday, small stuff. It's not so much about
making sure you're there for their birthday party or a school
play as much as the daily things: getting them breakfast, helping
your 2-year-old get dressed. A lot of moral lessons and training
for life happen in the routine of every day.
When I was growing up, my home was very Christ-centered, and
I'm trying to give my children the same thing. I'm not talking
about just knowledge.
In LA, there's a real push to get your kids into the right
schools. Parents here want to jump-start education for their
kids. While I feel education is very important, without Christ,
education doesn't matter. Wisdom is different from knowledge. You
can know a lot, but if your heart isn't focused with Christ at
the center, then everything ultimately doesn't work.
Q:
So how do you instill in your children that love for God and
faith in Jesus?
Patricia:
We read Bible stories, and
I try to introduce Jesus into the conversation as much as
possible to make it a part of their thinking—a God-and
Christ-consciousness.
One thing I want to do better is pray for them more. There's
so much power in that. And I want them to see my joy in Christ,
even when I've faced depression. More than anything I want my
children to have a personal, daily relationship with the Lord.
Q:
That desire of yours defies many Christians' stereotype of
Hollywood women. You know, that you can't be an entertainer and
passionate for Christ. And vice versa.
Patricia:
Yes. What we do here is important, and yet it's all very fleeting
in comparison to eternity. Christ guaranteed we would have
problems as soon as we start following Him, but also that there
would be some meaning in these things.
The point in Christianity is that your life is in submission
to God. By the power of His Spirit, the process of our life can
be to become like Him—as opposed to having an agenda and hoping
if we add God into the mix, He will help us accomplish that.
Unfortunately, a lot of people everywhere, and especially in
this town, add on some kind of spiritual thing to help their life
work better. They make their spirituality a part of their life as
opposed to the core. Jesus is not a crutch, though. Jesus must be
your life.
Q:
How do you know when you're in submission to Christ or not?
Patricia:
Anxiety comes up when I'm not in submission. An issue I'm dealing
with lately is, "Do I have too much money, and am I being a good
steward of it?" In fact, I was talking to a friend about
tithing-just giving your 10 percent as opposed to giving until it
actually starts costing you something, which is what I think
tithing is all about.
The acquisition of stuff is really not scriptural. I struggle
to keep it simple. But obedience, sacrifice and modesty are not
real popular buzzwords out here [in Los Angeles]. I have to keep
reminding myself: If you give your life to God, He doesn't
promise you happiness and that everything will go well. But He
does promise you peace. You can have peace and joy, even in bad
circumstances.
Q:
So fame hasn’t really affected your life?
Patricia:
Nobody recognizes me. Or at least very rarely. The one time I got
recognized, I was in a dress shop here in L.A. where a woman came
in and said, Didn't you just have a baby? Aren’t you on that TV
show?
I said, Yes, I am, and the salesgirl leaned over the counter
and said, Aaah, excuse me, but your credit card is at its limit.
I don't get recognized that much because on the show I'm
wearing an awful lot of makeup, and someone has done my hair. But
in my life I don't wear any makeup, and my hair is sort of flat
and straight. It's a blessing, really. I used to think I wanted
the recognition.
Q:
When did that change?
Patricia:
When I married and had kids of my own. Your mind is always on
your family then. You realize they are what matters. You want
them to have everything, especially the things you didn’t.
When my mom died I felt I was on my own, that I had to fend
for myself. I didn’t get to say goodbye. Her death was very
sudden because of an aneurysm in the brain. One morning she said,
I'll see you at lunchtime. I came home for lunch, and she wasn’t
there. She didn’t die right away, but within a couple of days. I
didn’t get to see her in the hospital.
Q:
What does that do to a 12-year-old?
Patricia: I’ve always been an independent person, but
that independence was framed in security. Suddenly my sense of
security shattered. It started me on this cycle of grieving and
falling into depression, feeling a void for my mother.
Q:
What have you missed most?
Patricia:
That I didn’t get
to know her as an adult.
Q:
What’s your favorite memory of her?
Patricia:
When I was 3 or 4, the UPS truck came to the house, which rarely
happened. My mom answered the door, took the package and said,
This is for you. I opened it For me? -- and it was this tea set
she ordered off the back of a cereal box. I was ecstatic, jumping
around, and I remember saying, I love you, Mom!
Q:
What did you miss about your mother that your father couldn’t
give you?
Patricia: Guidance with things like getting my period
and career stuff. She was a little more sensitive to the fact
that I was performance-oriented. Still, at that time, my dad was
making the best decisions he could.
I acted out later on. I got depressed in high school and had
to take medication for that. It came up again when I was living
in New York after college, doing theater and odd jobs. I lost
myself in partying and had to see a therapist. The underlying
problem was grief.
Q:
Has God helped you deal with the pain?
Patricia:
Well, God would if
I bothered to ask for it once in a while. He has a whole basket
of goodies for me, but I dont check in with Him enough. I get
distracted and caught up in busyness, and He has to give me these
little wake-up calls.
Q:
That business must make it difficult not only to portray a wife
and mom on a prime-time show, but to do the job at home in real
life, raising four kids. How does any woman do all this?
Patricia:
I was so unaware of how much giving is involved. Even if you're
the type of person who takes to homemaking, its still a lot of
work and very repetitive. Now that I’ve become a mother, I can
see what my mom did and how devoted she was - and I don’t think
it was something she enjoyed that much. She was college-educated
and worked as a writer in New York for a while. But once she had
children, she stayed at home.
Q:
Do you feel that's the way to
go?
Patricia:
Its so -- dare I even say it? -- ideal. Its great for the mother
to be at home. A lot of people will hate me for saying that, and
a lot of other people will say, Then why aren’t you at home?
On our show my hours are very reasonable. I often don’t have
to go in until 10 or 11 a.m., and I’m usually home by 5:30 p.m.
And I get weekends off and a break from the end of March through
August.
Q:
So why do you think the husbands on TV are always bumbling and
the wives cooler? Why are the men presented that way?
Patricia:
Because - it's TRUE?
(laughs) Though one of the things we're trying to show (on the
show) more is Debra's own failings and vulnerability. Things like
the fact that she's not a good cook. We did an episode where she
goes out to get a job and she gets fired because she's not good.
They hire a babysitter to help out and she finds out she hates
the fact that the kids have more fun with the sitter than her.
She and Ray go away together and she freaks out because she
thinks Ray thinks she's a boring housewife. So, (the writers)
aren't completely patronizing toward the adolescent husband.
Though mostly he's a sort of bumbling idiot.
Q:
How does it feel to have such a high profile and regular job.
Patricia: You have to try to keep prudent and stock
some cash away. But it's hard, for so many years I literally had
nothing. I was always somebody's roommate. Most of my friends
from college became dental hygienists or went into retail, a lot
went into sales. They all started getting married and having kids
and buying homes and I was still living like a college student.
After 15 or 20 years of that, when you finally get some money,
you have a lot of catching up to do, materially.
I have a dear friend who owns a company that summarizes
depositions. I used to do it. I always say to them, "I just want
you guys to know, I may be coming back to you." I do have moments
where I say, 'Oh, this will be okay, I don't have to worry about
going back to that kind of work." But then I think, you never
know...
Q:
In accepting your Emmy Award, you thanked God "for thinking me up
and my mother for letting me come out."
The remark was more than just words. You are also honorary
chair of the pro-life organization Feminists for Life.
Patricia: It sounded like a group I wanted to be in.
Their focus is the most appropriate approach to a very difficult
subject. I am currently working on putting a website together
for me individually and for Fourboys Films and to promote
Feminists for Life. It's a group of feminists that are pro-Life
and as Hollywood is such a hotbed of pro-Life activity, I'm
currently the only member here in LA. :)
So, I'm working on trying to put together a Hollywood
chapter. But, it's difficult to find anyone in the Hollywood
community who is either pro-Life or will admit to it. It's a
group that's not only pro-Life, but it's against the death
penalty and tries to rectify the root causes and reasons for why
women have abortions. Such as, afraid to lose their jobs, afraid
they'll have to drop out of school, non-support from the father
or their families.
So we're trying to create an environment where women don't
have to choose between their careers or education and their
children.
There's an address if anyone is interested. It's... Feminists
for Life; 733 15th Street NW, Suite 110; Washington DC 20005 and
the phone number is (202) 737-3352.
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