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LYSA TERKEURST
Unglued

   Unglued, celebrated author Lysa TerKeurst's new book, debuted at No. 8 on The New York Times bestseller list. Its currently #2 on the Christian Bookseller's Top 50 list. For complete list, Click Here.
   A new Christian living book, Unglued seeks to encourage believers to make "wise choices in the midst of raw emotions".
  Recently, Lysa spoke with CBN.com about this new book, specifically about how emotions play a role in our lives, how God feels about them and how we can be wise about how we react to trying situations and relationships in our lives. Here are excerpts from that conversation:

Why do you think God gave us emotions?

   Lysa Terkeurst: God gave us emotions so we could more deeply experience life, but not destroy life. God wants us to feel. He designed our bodies so that we could process our feelings and think about life according to the senses, and the emotions, and the hormones, and all of those things.
  I can be empathetic. I can be compassionate. I can be ecstatic. I can, when appropriate, be angry. All of those things are good. When they're handled in the right way and processed in the right way, they work for us. But when they start working against us is when we start doing two things that I talk about in the book, either exploding, which is pushing our emotions out with such force that it creates damage, or when we start stuffing, pushing our feelings down with such dishonesty about what's really going on, that we create bitterness, and anxiety, and depression.

Since we are created in God's image,
do you think God has the same kind of emotions we do?

   TerKeurst: Obviously Jesus had emotion when he was here; and that is the only picture of God in the flesh that we can see. So, you know, we definitely saw Jesus had great empathy and compassion. He would stop in the midst of an extremely busy schedule, and love on one cast-aside, an unnoticed member of society. Jesus put great importance on that person, which lets me know, you've got to have deep feelings of empathy in order to do that.
   But then we also see him in the temple, overturning the money-changers tables, in great, explosive, righteous, but still anger. He was angry. Then we see Jesus in times of conflict, and how He handled conflict when He was about to be betrayed by Judas. He knew he was going to get betrayed, and how He handled that situation.
   He hung on the cross shortly thereafter and said, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." He had tears, and he had laughter. So yes, I think that Jesus was a display, a picture for us of God, and if Jesus had emotion and feelings, then certainly I think God does, too.

Unglued identifies four emotional ways
we tend to react to situations and people.
What are they?

   TerKeurst: There's the exploder who blames others. This is what I would tend to do with my children, unfortunately. "If you would put your shoes on when I tell you to put your shoes on, we wouldn't be running late. But because you didn't put your shoes on when I told you to put your shoes on, now we're running late, and now I'm angry, and it's all your fault that I'm angry…." My emotional reaction is someone else's fault. Someone else has caused it.
   There's the exploder who shames themselves. Like, we have one of these explosive moments, but instead of blaming others, an hour later we start to shame ourselves. We think of all of the people who would have handled that so much better. We think of our sweet friend who just is like the picture of calm, and we think... she would have been just a picture of acceptance and love. We shame ourselves about what a bad Christian we are.
   Then, there's the stuffer who creates barriers, who is the kind of person that withdraws in every sense. They're not processing externally. They're doing everything internally. They want to think about it and not talk about it. They hold you at arm's length. Proverbs 10 says, "He who has hatred in his heart has lying lips." In other words, when we're storing up frustration, and bitterness, and hatred in our heart, but saying I'm fine, we have lying lips. That's no better than someone who explodes.
   Then there's the stuffer who collects retaliation rocks. They're a stuffer for a little while, and they stuff and stuff and stuff to keep the peace. But then, they're going to get pushed one too many times. What they've really done, is that all of that stuffing is really all collected proof of how bad you are, and how good I am. So, I'm going to explode on you with all of this proof of all of these times that you've hurt me, and disappointed me, and made life difficult for me. I'm going to rock your world, literally, with all of these rocks of retaliation.

In the book, you talked about an "unglued" feeling. What is that?

   TerKeurst: It's when somebody bumps into your happy. Maybe they disrespect you, maybe they treat you in a way that you feel misunderstood, maybe they criticize you, maybe they blow you off, maybe they reject you, maybe they hurt you in some way. It's that instant feeling, where you feel like, "Oh no, I'm starting to fall apart here," you know? And, what am I going to do in that moment, that moment of just things unraveling a little bit. Things aren't as good as I thought they were, or I'm about to step into conflict, and I don't want conflict; or my boss is about to really get angry at me and I don't want my boss to be angry at me. It's just in that little moment, of I'm feeling that gentle, or sometimes not so gentle, unraveling. That's that unglued feeling."

What Bible verses are helpful for learning how to manage our emotional reactions?

   TerKeurst: In the book, I talk about looking at the story of King Jehoshaphat in II Chronicles chapter 20. I think it's 2nd Chronicles chapter 20, starting in verse 3, where King Jehoshaphat finds out that there are three countries that are banded together and are marching against him. It's such a picture of a man waking up one morning, and getting that "unglued" feeling… He's learned that the world is marching against him; at least it feels that way.
   The first three words teach me so much because it says, "Alarmed, Jehoshaphat, resolved." I think that's such a picture of how my name needs to be book ended into those two realities. "Alarmed, Lysa, resolved." Because in the moment, I love that it tells us that he was alarmed, so he had that feeling. But he wasn't dictated by that feeling, he had already predetermined that he was going to honor God in every situation, no matter what. He was alarmed, but at the same time, he was resolved. Then, we get to see the beautiful picture of how it worked out so much better.

Can you tell a difference in the way you react after writing Unglued?

   TerKeurst: Yeah, I mean, I'm more aware of it. That's what I want this book to do for people. If we're aware of our tendencies, we can understand, OK, I tend to be an exploder that blames others; therefore, I know I need to pause. If I can give people those spiritual and emotional tools to improve their conflict resolution and therefore improve their relationships, even just 10 percent, that's phenomenal.

(from www.cbn.com)

3 Questions for
Lysa Terkeurst

  By Tiny Twig, thetinytwig.com

   A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to ask Lysa Terkeurst about her new book, Unglued. I have been a longtime fan of Lysa, first introduced to her work when we lived in Charlotte.
  The Bathtub is Full but I Feel Drained was the first “Christian mothering” (is that a genre?!) book I read, and I was enamored by the stories she told about adopting her sons. This newest book is a great read, and I read it with my "The No Brainer Blog" in mind. I feel a huge burden not to put junk out on the Internet. It is a privilege to have this space and to use this voice, and I would hate to mess it up because I wasn’t being wise with my emotions.  I was excited to learn from the wisdom Lysa has collected over the years of being in the public space.
  So, without further ado, my questions for Lysa. Be sure to check out her book if you want to know more! (see column at right)

1. In chapter 9, The Empty Woman, you speak about discouragement you experienced at a writers’ conference. Your friend has received a lot of positive feedback, while you got none.
How did you walk through the disappointment between that day and the day when you had the clarity of hindsight to realize God protected your words from being public prematurely?

"I had to learn to focus on my own responsibilities and actions and not look at what those around me were gaining or going through. That means finding reasons to celebrate what we have already been given and what we are doing right. I had to bury myself in God’s Word.

"When I start to have those jealous feelings again, I have found that it is important for me to actively pursue good for others.

"Ultimately, dealing with disappointment comes down to having a jealous spirit or a giving spirit. Thankfully, through Scripture, I have learned that having a giving spirit not only protects myself and those around from the ramifications jealousy causes, but it helps prepare my heart for all God has in store for me."

2. Being a woman with a public ministry, what are warning signs you see in women who are dangerously close to empty? Are there things you look for in your own attitude/heart that challenge you to fill up before it’s too late?

"In Unglued, I talk about how the absence of rest leads to an abundance of stress. When I see myself start to lose my temper often or get aggravated at my family over small things, I know I need to take some time for soul rest."

3. Do you have practical ways to make sure you remain “full” rather than empty?

"I have learned the importance of making Scripture the first thing I soak up every morning. I have found that sometimes it isn’t practical to spend hours and hours in God’s word (especially in the mornings) but, that little bit of time and focus before I meet any of the day’s challenges really helps my perspective for that day. I must exchange whispers with God before exchanging shouts with the world."

From www.thetinytwig.com

 

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